Alita: Battle Angel Review

If you’ve ever cringed in reaction to spotting a real-life weeaboo, know that this movie will give you healthy insight into their lifestyle without making your skin crawl.

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Alita: Battle Angel
has some painfully awkward dialogue, a few not-so-hot performances (Hugo’s actor does not do a great job), and a pretty forgettable overall story arc, but it’s an excellent showcase of state-of-the-art CGI, and for that alone, it’s pretty darn enjoyable. If you want to be visually wowed, this is a movie worthy of the theater experience.

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The 5 Worst Movies of 2016

My definition of worst for the sake of this list: anything that let me down so substantially that I feel it was a waste of my time on this earth. Disappointed, wronged, call it whatever you want. I’m calling it “worst.”

5.) Neighbors 2: Sorority Risingimages

This is the kind of inane movie that panders to the brand of feminism people like Laci Green preach. It’s utterly idiotic in every way, to summarize. The jokes fall flat, the characters of the first are brought back for a pointless sequel, Seth Rogen drops the ball, you get the gist.

4.) Sausage Party

And look at that, Seth is back on this list already! The funniest thing to come from his two 2016 releases is the fact I usually like his brand of humor. Yet here we are, with a raunchy, incoherent mess of a two-hour food orgy. Literally. Ever think about the CGI artists who pay for their children’s food by animating a hot dog ass-fucking a bagel? You do now. Continue reading

Review of “The Accountant”

Let’s get right down to it, shall we?mv5bndc5mzg2ntyxnv5bml5banbnxkftztgwmjq2odawote-_v1_uy1200_cr9006301200_al_

Pros:
-Strong, mysterious slow-burn first act and a half (the highlight of this entire stretch is Wolff solving a math problem and it’s fantastic)
-Flashback sequences are amazing, very powerful and well-executed backstory
-Solid score
-Great tonal consistency with some well-timed humor sprinkled in
-Great performances all around, Ben Affleck and Jon Bernthal really kill it
-No cheesy romance subplot

Cons:
-Last act gets a bit cartoon-ish/wacky
-More or less the entire federal investigation subplot is unnecessary and cheesy
-Handling of the autism plot element got a bit out of control at the halfway point. It starts out as just an element of Christian Wolff’s character but halfway through they start hammering home “this is what autism is and does,” making it his defining feature rather than a supplementary one. It’s unfortunate, given how maturely they touched on it throughout the first half.

TIFF Film Review: “City of Tiny Lights”

Riz Ahmed is the glue that holds this pretty solid Brit-noir flick together, the entire thing hinging on his mad acting chops. He handles that pressure well.

That and the interesting flashback side story are the good aspects of City of Tiny Lights.city-of-tiny-lights-riz-ahmed The bad are the shoehorned, convenience-laden plot and painstakingly poorly-shot action. The former means that every time Riz’s private detective needs to find a clue, someone conveniently dies or reveals the path for him, minimizing any work he’d actually need to do to solve the case. And the latter, well, it’s inexcusable. All the action is shaky-cam ridden, motion-blur hazed garbage deliberately designed to hide that the actors can’t throw down for shit. It looks awful. Not to mention the camera randomly zooms in on people during routine over-the-shoulder shots and it’s the most obnoxiously distracting stylization choice I could never have imagined.

In the end, as stated above, Ahmed ultimately carries the flick with flying colors–but the plot is sloppy at best and the action middle-school grade amateur at worst.

7/10

“Lights Out” Review

maxresdefault (1)I hate horror. Absolutely hate it. And I am here to report that I, king of the Cinematic Horror Pussies Society, survived Lights Out with barely any effort.

In short, it’s not scary. Continue reading