Top 5 Reasons Star Wars Battlefront Will Suck

UPDATE 10/8/15: Read my firsthand impressions fresh off playing the beta!

It’s a sad day when I have to make this article. Battlefront, as a series, is one my favorite of all time, if not my number one pick. The first two games were absolute masterpieces, and after seeing the rubbish Star Wars Battlefront Hoth demo at E3 2015, I reinstalled SWBF2 just to see how poorly the series’ reboot stacked up. Turns out, the original two are still as fun as ever and the reboot’s situation is worse than I thought.no_text_-_Star_Wars_Battlefront_Key_Art.0.0

5.) DLC plans before the game launches. Now, this is pretty low on the list since it’s (sadly) become industry standard, but that doesn’t mean it’s not sickening, still. The question jingling around in my head right now is, what content is being preemptively cut to be sold back to us as DLC? Which maps are being developed but won’t be included in the base $59.99 game even though they’ll be done before release?

4.) It’s made by DICE. These guys are very good at what they do, which is one thing in particular: making first person Battlefield games. Not third/first person-meshing BattleFRONT games. The footage that’s been shown already reeks of what looks like a Star Wars themed Battlefield knock-off, because that’s all it’s going to be, if we’re honest with ourselves. It’s not going to recapture the magic of the originals. Not to mention Hoth’s map design from the E3 demo looks awful. In the originals, Hoth was a sprawling, wide map of ice and snow that mixed tight corridor battles with tons of room for open, snowy field conflict. The E3 demo has the AT-AT’s walking down single file lanes like we’re in a fucking bowling alley, and an absurd overemphasis on trench warfare. That is not Hoth.

3.) Barely any content included with the game. We’re talking a handful of multiplayer maps (eight, if we’re lucky?) and a few throwaway single player/co-op missions. That’s it. Like, even Titanfall had the smarts to include 15 multiplayer maps out of the gate. This is just despicable, considering it’s going to go for full retail price. We’re reaching Evolve levels of bullshit here (that game just announced its second season pass by the way, lmfao).

2.) No space battles, no single player campaign, no Republic era factions. So, on top of having very little content to begin with, this all comes at the cost of cutting out some of the best aspects of SWBF1 and 2, specifically Battlefront 2‘s amazing space combat. We will not be flying transport ships into enemy carrier hangars and setting loose Rebel brigades aboard Imperial Star Destroyers. Not to mention we won’t even be allowed to play as the clones or CIS, meaning no droidekas (the best class in the entire series), no General Grievous, no bad-ass green plated clone jet troopers, none of it.

1.) Everything, absolutely everything, is wrong with it. They are tarnishing a legacy, solely to get this game out by the time Star Wars Episode 7 lands in theatres so they can make a quick license cash-in buck. It’s disgusting, looking at the corners they are cutting. No space battles, no Republic era, no single player campaign, no offline instant action mode, the third person perspective looks gimped beyond belief, the map design we’ve seen so far is appalling, there’s LITERALLY NO NEW FEATURES to the core gameplay (at the end of the E3 demo it ended with a pre-rendered clash between Vader and Luke, but I doubt they’ll even include Jedi v Sith capabilities in the game. And even if they did, Star Wars Battlefront 2 already beat them to it), and the overall thing is just turning out to be a travesty. If I can play as an Ewok with 4K resolution hair follicles thanks to shiny 2015 graphics, that’ll be the only saving grace in this embarrassment of a reboot.

Top 5 Reasons Destiny is the Worst Game Ever

Before we kick this off, let me say that “Worst Game Ever” is a sarcastic title, just so that I can keep this article in league with my other “Worst Game Ever” write-up for Assassin’s Creed 3.  BUT, I do make these to point out glaring flaws and stupid aspects of the game that everyone is overlooking. With that out of the way, let’s see why Destiny is on track to suck later this year!download

5.) It’s a watered-down Halo. Bungie really doesn’t know how to do anything else. Want a handful of Halo assets palette-swapped and on the PS4? Then I guess this is the lowest common denominator game for you!

4.) It’s a watered-down Borderlands. Can you collect shit? Yessir! Is there any real addictive nature to upgrading weapons, adjusting stats, and the usual RPG jargon? No.

3.) Boatloads of exclusive content. Sony’s getting exclusive content, Gamestop’s getting exclusive content, and Microsoft gets shafted by their former lovers at Bungie. I honestly couldn’t care less about who gets what, but it’s a disgusting practice that pisses me off every time it comes up.

2.) Cross-Gen malarkey. When a game crosses gens, you have idiots on the “next gen” side claiming that the game is watered down in order to accommodate the previous gen. When, in actuality, it is the previous gen’s game slightly bolstered to look incrementally prettier on the more current consoles. Diminishing returns, anyone?

1.)  The hype is unreal. The majority of people playing the beta say “it’s okay, has potential, not all that entertaining”. People are sizing this thing up to be the second coming of Christ, when in all honesty it looks like it’s gonna be another Watch_Dogs, albeit with less controversy and corporate politics. Ride that hype train all you want, but I guarantee when regular people get their hands on the retail versions of Destiny, the train will come to a screeching halt.