Destiny: The Over-Hype Train That Chugged Past Watch_Dogs Station

Have we learned nothing whatsoever from Watch_Dogs?

Well, the silly geese that actually thought Destiny was going to BE something have been proven wrong today, as they’ve unwrapped their copy of the Broble (JonTron™) for PS4 and Xbox One only to find a boring, mediocre game inside. The majority of reviews are lukewarm, stating that it is boring, repetitive and, oh, what’s that? Everything I listed in my “preview” for Destiny. Just take a peek at Metacritic.com to see the proof.

And sure, you can retort with “it’s meant to be played with friends you jealous troll!” But let’s be honest, setting a dog turd on fire in your backyard is only fun when in the company of friends, too.

Top 5 Reasons Destiny is the Worst Game Ever

Before we kick this off, let me say that “Worst Game Ever” is a sarcastic title, just so that I can keep this article in league with my other “Worst Game Ever” write-up for Assassin’s Creed 3.  BUT, I do make these to point out glaring flaws and stupid aspects of the game that everyone is overlooking. With that out of the way, let’s see why Destiny is on track to suck later this year!download

5.) It’s a watered-down Halo. Bungie really doesn’t know how to do anything else. Want a handful of Halo assets palette-swapped and on the PS4? Then I guess this is the lowest common denominator game for you!

4.) It’s a watered-down Borderlands. Can you collect shit? Yessir! Is there any real addictive nature to upgrading weapons, adjusting stats, and the usual RPG jargon? No.

3.) Boatloads of exclusive content. Sony’s getting exclusive content, Gamestop’s getting exclusive content, and Microsoft gets shafted by their former lovers at Bungie. I honestly couldn’t care less about who gets what, but it’s a disgusting practice that pisses me off every time it comes up.

2.) Cross-Gen malarkey. When a game crosses gens, you have idiots on the “next gen” side claiming that the game is watered down in order to accommodate the previous gen. When, in actuality, it is the previous gen’s game slightly bolstered to look incrementally prettier on the more current consoles. Diminishing returns, anyone?

1.)  The hype is unreal. The majority of people playing the beta say “it’s okay, has potential, not all that entertaining”. People are sizing this thing up to be the second coming of Christ, when in all honesty it looks like it’s gonna be another Watch_Dogs, albeit with less controversy and corporate politics. Ride that hype train all you want, but I guarantee when regular people get their hands on the retail versions of Destiny, the train will come to a screeching halt.

Review of X-Men: Destiny for Xbox 360

Do super mutants make a super game? Read on to find out!

Story: The story is pretty generic. You, anonymous mutant must fight bad guys for no reason while meeting X-Men and people of the Brotherhood, all climaxing in a gigantic fight with some cool super-villain cameo that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I can honestly say this is the first game I’ve ever played where I couldn’t even follow the story because of how poorly it was presented.

Sound: The voice acting is mediocre, at best. Other than that, nothing really resonated with my earbuds. In fact, the sound is so bland I just opted to turn off my TV’s audio altogether and just turn subtitles on. Sound: 1/10

Presentation: These graphics might’ve flew back when the Gamecube was considered groundbreaking, but in the 360’s generation? I don’t think so! Aside from quirky character models, stiff animations and overall poor graphical quality, lag is largely present in any major moment of the game. Even worse, camera angles are jumpy and refuse to stay where you want them. In the game’s defense, there are barely any visible load times. Presentation: 4.5/10

Gameplay: The game does some pretty interesting stuff when it comes to style. It fuses the ability to choose your side, abilities, suit, character, powers and interactions with other characters in-game all into one nice and neat package. The problem with this is that the only real variation comes with the different powers and suits. No matter how you interact with characters, you’ll still end up sticking with the same storyline and things don’t really evolve based on what you pick. The different powers though are extremely fun and diverse, offering lots of cool upgrades and abilities to keep the gameplay fresh though. But with all of this diversity, the game ends up being the most linear games I’ve played since Green Lantern, having you follow a single-file path the entire time you play. Regardless, for a mindless beat-’em-up with lots of flashy combos it’s pretty freakin’ fun. Gameplay: 7.5/10

Multiplayer: N/A

Length: This game kept me busy for an astonishing… drum roll please… four hours! *Trumpets go sour* That’s right, four pathetic hours for an entire runthrough of the campaign. Sure, you can replay it and choose the other side of the story, but all that would be is playing the exact same thing over and choosing a single different option near the end. In terms of length, I’m pretty disappointed. Length: 2/10

Overall: The X-Men get a 3.8/10 in their latest outing. Although this game has far too many flaws and is way too short to ever be considered a purchase, I still recommend you go out and rent it for a weekend, as it does provide a little fun while it lasts (not to mention a ton of easy achievement points).