WARNING: The following post has graphic content (of the urban dictionary variety).
So, I was with a friend and we had some time to kill, so I suggested “hey, let’s go to Taco Bell. It’s been a few years, and I haven’t had their shitty imitation Mexican in a while”. Sure, he hesitated, but eventually I swayed him to just go with it. Point is, afterward I had to go to the bathroom. So, my friend says, “dude just go to the bathroom here then we’ll leave for the movie”. I gave him a two minute monologue about why I was not stepping my foot in a Taco Bell bathroom.
See, besides the Miami Heat logo being a visual analogy for what goes on in those bathrooms, a far more sinister theory arose in my mind as I was trying to explain to him the horrors that would await me in there. I explained to him that if I sat down on one of those God-forsaken toilets, a xenomorph mouth (the one inside the regular mouth) would come out of the little hole in the toilet and toss my salad. Just, picture that for a moment, I implore you. So, after planting that idea in his mind, I started rambling about how Alien: Isolation actually just took place entirely inside of a Taco Bell bathroom, and how the entire thing was just about Amanda Ripley looking for the door handle to escape the whole time (I mean, both Taco Bell toilets and Sevastopol station have horrid lighting, so…). When I was in the moment giving this glorious speech, it sounded a lot wittier, but the basic idea was still worth sharing here, I felt.